When holidays are hard
Holidays can be hard for many reasons. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a family member. Maybe you’re stressed because you’ll interact with difficult people over the holidays. Maybe you’re lonely.
Holidays can also be difficult when you are forced to reckon with the void that a high-control community left in your life.
Growing up at CFC, the Christmas season was a whirlwind of activity that centered around the church. CFA Christmas concert, Christmas orchestra, Christmas pageants, leadership Christmas parties, Christmas Eve service – the church offered an event to fill every moment.
Once I left CFC, the holiday season felt strangely empty. I wasn’t sure how to celebrate without performing a very specific kind of seasonal joy. Many of the traditions that I used to enjoy with my family now trigger intense grief and physical distress. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas remind us that we are estranged from family and friends who are still at CFC.
For some of us, singing traditional Christmas carols can be difficult because we were forced to fake joyful participation. For others, singing those songs can be painful because the people we earnestly sang them with have slandered us and cut us off when we’ve come forward to speak the truth.
Whether you desperately miss the candlelight-lit Christmas Eve service at CFC or reject everything remotely religious, it’s never too late to allow yourself to explore new traditions and activities.
If you still identify as a Christian, explore how Christians have celebrated Christmas over the centuries or in different cultures. Bring light into the dark December days with St. Lucia’s Day, put small gifts in your shoes on St. Nicholas Day, or celebrate the three Magi on Epiphany. Let yourself grieve through the traditional Christian period of Advent. If you can’t bear to see former church friends at the Crane Candlelight concert, listen to the Nine Lessons and Carols broadcast from Kings College on Christmas Eve.
If you find the religious origins of Christmas too painful, give yourself permission to embrace alternate ways of seeking joy around the winter solstice. If you find giving back to your community meaningful, there are countless volunteer opportunities during the holidays. You could decide to take a spontaneous trip or host a New Year friends gathering.
The holidays can also be a perfect time to slow down and reflect on your year. Even when a year has been painful, there are often small memories that can help you find space for gratitude. Move your body. Play games or do puzzles with your kids.
However you choose to observe the holiday season, remember that it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to find the season hard. Healing comes slowly, but it will come.
