Composure at any cost?
In addition to triggering an avalanche of health issues, suppressing negative emotions can also impact our cognitive functioning. One study notes that emotional suppression “impaired incidental memory for information presented during the suppression period.” Essentially, our brain is too busy suppressing emotions to remember details about what happened.
Open the ledgers
It means a reordering of resources and attention, a casting down of the powerful and exalting the lowly, an unflinching attempt to humbly engage something that isn’t crisply & mathematically defined—the unquantifiable wreckage of both individual and collective sin.
When holidays are hard
Once I left CFC, the holiday season felt strangely empty. I wasn’t sure how to celebrate without performing a very specific kind of seasonal joy. Many of the traditions that I used to enjoy with my family now trigger intense grief and physical distress. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas remind us that we are estranged from family and friends who are still at CFC.
My Body Remembers
Leaving a high-control community like CFC inevitably leaves a void. People who we love and respect are still there. Many stay too long because the community feels so strong and the energy so loving, until they see that the cost for that community is to slowly relinquish nearly all individuality and control. So sometimes I grieve. I grieve for the lost relationships, the lost trust, the lost years.
Supporting our work
We are a community of survivors for survivors, and we want to be able to better support each other.
The Lord is my courage
Honesty about our hurt empowers us to hope in God who stretches out a staff to comfort us. Courage is a continuous choice to be honest about the reality of harm while reaching for hope, even when it is inconvenient and even when it bristles against cultural and religious expectations that equate goodness with niceness.
On Grieving the Loss of a Church
If you are feeling shame or disillusionment over leaving your church, you are not alone. Spiritual abuse and other types of abuse destroy lives. They leave a trail of broken souls in their wake.