We are all complicit

One of the most complicated truths to acknowledge is that we have harmed others, yet this is an essential step in the journey to wholeness. There is freedom in acknowledging that we have been complicit in harm. It allows us to seek forgiveness, offer restitution, and find grace for ourselves and for others. 

For many of us, leaving CFC means we must grapple honestly with how we have harmed the people around us. For centuries, the Church has spoken of sins of commission and omission. That is, we must repent for the things that we have done and the things that we have left undone. 

Some of us are parents and we must face the fact that we abused our children in the name of love. Some of us must admit that as teenagers we delivered pompous speeches about submission in youth group. Some of us had parents who instructed us to spank our siblings–and we did it. Some of us simply stayed silent as other people were shunned or excommunicated. Most of us are complicit in some way.

Acknowledging our complicity does not negate the abuse that we ourselves experienced. Many of us bowed to the status quo as a matter of survival. No one is wholly evil or completely innocent; correctly addressing abuse properly requires us to understand how abusers manipulate systems and power dynamics. Those who wield power are held accountable for more.

This is not an exercise in self-flagellation. Acknowledging that we have fallen short allows us to give grace to ourselves and to others. CFCtoo does not call out the harm that CFC has done without admitting that we too have failed. Only when we have repented for our complicity can we call others to do the same.  

To everyone who has been harmed by our complicity: we are sorry. We know that saying we are sorry doesn’t make up for our participation in the systems that caused harm. And we know it doesn’t make those systems go away. 

We know better now. CFC may never reckon honestly with its failures, but supporting survivors means creating a space for people to emerge from the darkness and begin to imagine a better life.  

For all the times we were silent when we should have spoken up, we ask forgiveness. 

For all the times we stood by when we should have intervened, we ask forgiveness.

For all the times we followed evil instruction and actually took pride in it, we ask forgiveness.

For all the times we shamed others for not living up to our ‘more godly’ standards, we ask forgiveness.

Accountability demands change. We do not seek forgiveness to absolve us of our guilt, but to take accountability for our actions so we can move towards meaningful change.