Betrayal Blindness
Once you leave a high-control group, the dangerous patterns come into focus.
It’s so easy to see the lies from the outside. It’s so easy to ask why people still inside can’t see that they are being abused.
The truth is that it’s almost impossible for people inside a high-control group to see that their church has betrayed their trust and is instead exploiting them. It’s called betrayal blindness.
Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term “betrayal blindness” in the context of betrayal trauma theory. Humans–victims, perpetrators, and witnesses alike–display betrayal blindness to preserve relationships, institutions, and social systems on which they depend.
The term institutional betrayal refers to “wrongdoings perpetrated by an institution upon individuals dependent on that institution, including failure to prevent or respond supportively to wrongdoings by individuals (e.g. sexual assault) committed within the context of the institution.”
In other words, people in high-control groups cannot allow themselves to fully engage with reality. Why? Because acknowledging the truth would threaten the church relationships that they depend upon for survival.
What if the survivor stories aren’t just gossip? What if CFCtoo isn’t a site full of lies and slander?
Acknowledging that reality would require CFC members to make a very difficult decision. If the survivor stories are true, then CFC is not a safe or healthy place to stay. If CFCtoo is telling the truth, then CFC is actually a very dangerous place. And if a church is dangerous, the best way to leave a dangerous place well is to leave.
At CFCtoo, we know the cost of leaving. We know what will happen when someone decides to fully engage with reality. It’s ugly and painful. There is no shame in being afraid to lose everything. It will take time to grieve the loss of community, even if you know that leaving was the right thing to do.
If you’re a survivor and you’re struggling with the fact that your family or friends won’t leave CFC, you’re not alone. If you’re at CFC and you’re scared to leave, you’re not alone either. We experienced that too.
If you need a listening ear, we’re here for you. If you’re wondering if there is life outside of CFC, we can answer that question with a resounding yes.
Come and find hope with us.
