Financial Abuse in the Church
I woke up to find that my phone was not working. I loaded the kids into the car and went to the phone shop. They said that my phone had been shut off.
“You aren’t an authorized user on the account,” the agent said, looking perplexed.
“Okay, I’ll just buy a new phone.”
I picked one out and the agent set me up with a plan. I swiped my card.
Denied .
I went to the bank and asked for my balance.
Nothing. Zero dollars. He had finally done it.
I thought of the bills I had strategically placed between the pages of random books on the bookshelf. $1000. $1000 that he didn’t know about.
Was it enough to live on?
Financial abuse is one of the most insidious forms of domestic violence. We most often think of financial abuse in regard to intimate relationships, as in Keeley’s story, but that’s not the only place it happens. Since financial abuse is ultimately a tool of power and control, it can be a tactic used by anyone who wants to control someone else, including churches who intend to control their members.
The National Network To End Domestic Violence notes: “The forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in in general, include tactics to limit the partner’s access to assets or conceal information and accessibility to the family finances. Financial abuse along with emotional, physical and sexual abuse, manipulation, intimidation and threats are all intentional tactics used by an abuser aimed at entrapping the partner in the relationship. In some abusive relationships, financial abuse is present throughout the relationship and in other cases financial abuse becomes present when the survivor is attempting to leave or has left the relationship.”
Financial abuse takes on additional gravity when it is done in the name of God. Abusive husbands may be drawn to patriarchal religious communities because the gender hierarchy can disguise and enable their financial abuse. Choosing to be a stay-at-home wife or daughter is one thing – being forced to work without pay or to turn down opportunities for education or paid employment is another.
Ashley Easter, a Quiverfull survivor, describes a range of financial abuse in church environments this way:
Using the weight of God to pressure or manipulate church members into tithing or giving.
Manipulating church members to give money above their means, promising that God will bless or repay them.
Exploiting church funds for selfish or secular gain.
Demanding financial payment in exchange for forgiveness or absolving of “sin.”
Restricting or encouraging individuals to forgo educational or employment opportunities for “biblical” reasons, or sabotaging working opportunities.
Restricting or limiting women from working outside of the home in order to become a “biblical” woman, mother, wife, or homemaker.
Using Scripture to restrict adults from opening their own bank account or credit card.
Using Scripture to restrict a wife or adult child from becoming financially independent.
Using Scripture to restrict a wife or adult child from obtaining a driver's license or vehicle.
Using “biblical” gender roles as justification for a husband financially controlling the independent choices of the wife or adult child.
Discouraging a woman from having access to financial information in her marriage under the guise of trusting her husband’s authority.
Giving one’s wife an allowance instead of joint access to funds and budgeting.
Lying or being deceptive about finances, including joint finances, or acquiring debt without the other spouse's permission.
Withholding items for basic needs such as food, clothing, or medical care under the guise of trusting God or enforcing a punishment.
Giving the husband the “final say” in financial decisions instead requiring mutual agreement.
Requiring a person to work (outside of reasonable household contributions) without adequate financial compensation.
Pressuring or requiring a subordinate (child, church employee, lay person, etc.) to give or lend money to a superior.
As Keeley says in her story, “My ex forced me to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom and then took away my money and my phone. Abusive churches isolate people for the same reasons that abusers isolate their victims—to make vulnerable people dependent and therefore, compliant. Don't let the church be your one and only.”
Thankfully, Keeley was able to leave her abusive marriage. “I am so happy I got out,” she says. “If it weren't for my abuser adamantly saying he hated me and wanted out of the marriage, I'm not sure the church would have allowed me to leave. I am grateful to know authentic love as God intended. I am grateful to know Jesus. His promises for my life are true.”
You are not alone if you have experienced financial abuse in your family or church. It’s not too late to open a bank account under your own name. It’s not too late to learn what options are available to you. If you are currently in a financially abusive relationship, the NNEDV has some tips for starting to plan for safety. You can also consult their Financial Abuse Toolkit for more resources.
