I didn’t know at that time that all this craziness we had been living with for 16-plus years was typical domestic abuse. I had been in denial for a long time, but I was at the precipice of educating myself and opening my eyes to what my children and I had endured. The veil was about to be lifted as to the real Rick Sinclair and the Christian Fellowship Center cult.

There is hope after CFC, even for those of us so damaged that we felt we had no choice but to let go of our faith to keep our sanity.

I really believed that my relationship with God AND the relationship that my children had with God were tied up in my ability to make them love God. There was this weight, this huge fear of eternal damnation for me and for them, that was driving me to make my children sit still and listen.

There was also the weight that if my children didn’t obey me, then they would never obey God. Whatever had to be done, I had to break their spirit so that they would only have an obedient heart for God and not the world.

Virginity. The trophy of womanhood. The uncrumpled rose. The unchewed gum. The thing every good Christian man required and desired. Purity. A wife unspoiled.

I was the poster child for it.