What is spiritual abuse?
Have you attended a church where the leader demands unquestioning obedience because they are specially anointed by God? Where there is an explicit or implicit narrative that this church/family/group is the only one that “gets it right”? Where the flow of information in and out of the group is tightly censored? Where leaders misuse scripture to control all aspects of your life?
You may have experienced spiritual abuse.
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that is characterized by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context. In Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse, Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys distill years of academic research into the following characteristics of spiritual abuse:
manipulation and exploitation
enforced accountability
censorship of decision making
requirements for secrecy and silence
coercion to conform [inability to ask questions]
control through the use of sacred texts or teaching
requirement of obedience to the abuser
the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position
isolation as a means of punishment
superiority and elitism
If you’ve spent any time online recently, you have likely heard the term “spiritual abuse.” In a particularly well-known example, Christianity Today’s coverage of “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill” has talked extensively about “power, fame and spiritual trauma.” In the recent SBC investigation report coverage, activist Christa Brown refers to spiritual abuse as “soul murder.” She laments that her faith has been “neurologically networked with a nightmare.”
Some Christians push back on claims of spiritual abuse. “Aren’t those people just angry at their church?” “How are pastors supposed to do their job if they’re constantly worried about being accused of ‘spiritual abuse’?” “Couldn’t anyone claim ‘spiritual abuse’ anytime they have a disagreement with their pastor?” “Isn’t this just ‘cancel culture’?”
These are important questions. People who are spiritually abused experience incredible damage to their bodies, minds, and spirits. To understand their pain and support them in their healing, we need to be able to accurately identify spiritual abuse .
Identifying Spiritual Abuse
Is there a pattern?
Identifying a pattern of spiritual abuse can be difficult, since abusive leaders typically gaslight people so that they cannot see the pattern. So as you ask yourself if a concerning behavior has happened repeatedly in your encounters with a leader, you may want to document instances as they happen.
If someone is alleging spiritual abuse in your congregation (likely against a leader you trust and love), a helpful line of inquiry might be “who has already left the church (staff or members) who might have been close to the leader, and have they had any experiences similar to the experiences being described?”
At CFCtoo we are well aware that when one person publicly shares a story of abuse, dozens more come out of the shadows with their own stories that corroborate the abuse.
Are there elitist behaviors?
Abusive church communities are accompanied by an inappropriately strong sense of distinction, elitism, or a particularly vivid “Us” that distinguishes the leader and community from “Them.”
This elitism could manifest itself in a number of ways. Are there certain external groups that are demonized? Perhaps the church community denigrates working mothers and public schools while preaching that stay at home moms and homeschooling are the only biblical option.
Spiritually abusive communities also tend to create circles of influence inside the church. Are certain individuals or families held in high esteem by virtue of their proximity to the church leaders? Do church insiders make sneering remarks about “different classes” when comparing themselves to farmers or other blue collar workers?
These communities assert that they have a particularly powerful, dynamic and important role to play in God’s work in the world, but abuse is often flourishing under the cover of multi-generational kingdom building.
Is critique allowed?
While spiritually abusive leaders often say that they welcome questions, congregants usually find that the questions must conform to a very narrow box. Once you step outside that box, the questions become dangerous. And when the questions become dangerous, the questioner must be silenced at all costs.
Strategic leaders know how to adopt the appearance of humility when they are seeking to restore public trust in their control. The real answer to whether leaders tolerate critique can often be uncovered by asking how “lieutenants” or other close friends to the leader respond to allegations of abuse. Are they dismissive, disgusted, or even angry that such allegations against their leader exist? Or are they open, humble, and repentant about mistakes that are coming to the light?
If you answered yes to these questions, it is highly likely that you have experienced spiritual abuse. Healing from spiritual abuse is a long, arduous process and it starts with identifying what you have experienced.
At CFCtoo, we have all experienced spiritual abuse and seek to create a safe place for people to heal. Reach out to us. You can use the contact form on our website or DM us on social media. We believe you and we’re here to help you.
Would you like to learn more about spiritual abuse? We’ve compiled a list of resources here.
