Mike’s Story
The following account includes descriptions of physical abuse and may be triggering for some readers.
“Mike” was a child when his family began attending CFC in the 1990s. “Mike” alleges that he witnessed parents using public humiliation and physical abuse to control their children and other children in the church.
My family began attending CFC in the 1990s after Rick Sinclair was a guest preacher at our church. His emphasis on family really appealed to my mother and the next thing I knew we were all in. Sundays were always filled with joyful singing and dancing, followed by an inspiring message from the pastor or a guest speaker. Lots of big, beautiful, happy families would talk and catch up together after the service, then usually we would go for a long drive together as a family, or over to another family's house for dinner or “fellowship meal.”
When this would happen, the parents would sit and talk for hours about who knows what while all of the children would play together like free-range chickens.
I’m never going to forget the first time that friend got beaten while I was playing at his house. I was about ten years old. It was late in the night and all of the sudden the joyful sound of children playing was interrupted. It was not done in private away from everyone else, it was made clear to everyone around what was happening so that there was a public shame element. I immediately learned that this could happen to any one of us. We would be used as an example–just like that boy was–to keep everyone else in line.
The dad pulled the kid into a room so we didn't see the actual spanking take place, but we could hear his screams and the dad yelling, "Pull down your pants— underwear too. I said UNDERWEAR TOO!"
"Please dad... no! PLEASE!"
"STOP fighting me, you’re ONLY GONNA MAKE IT WORSE! I’m doing this because I love you."
And I could hear the hits of the belt or paddle accompanied by the child screaming and crying in pain.
It was like some sick show for all the other kids around to learn from, and we did. We learned to always behave or be sneaky enough to not get caught like this sorry loser. This family had a really large house with a barn-style garage and lots of land, and we were on the second floor. There was no reason they couldn't find a private place to do this discreetly.After the incident, the children were expected to go back to joyfully playing just as before. I hesitated and an adult said: “Does someone else need a spanking too?” A few parents jokingly told stories about how “this one time Billy got out of hand, too” or “oh, that’s nothing, you shoulda seen what happened LAST week!” and all of us knew that this could just happen, anywhere, at any moment, if our parents decided it was needed.
I can’t describe the feeling of terror that knowledge put in me. On the ride home my parents confirmed to us: “You know that if you ever act up like that, any one of those parents can spank you too, right?” Yes, that was also normal. It was understood that most of the other parents in that church could spank us if we stepped out of line.
Even on a Sunday.
As a result, church always felt like this delicately held together act that we played. It was really hard for me to enjoy playing with my friends, to truly have any fun, because of the constant sense of fear that hovered over these get-togethers.
I grew to hate being in church, and to this day I still internally react to the sound of certain worship songs. It automatically sends me back to that place where at any moment an adult could conclude that I need to be pulled out of the room and spanked. Even though I rationally know that isn’t the case, I still have to actively remind my body of that on occasion.
As an adult with children now, I never want my children to feel the way I did about church, or hanging out with friends. I hope that my children never associate fear or pressure to perform with church. I hope my children understand that any and all forms of discipline my wife and I choose to use with them are between us and them alone, never between us and their friends to keep everyone in line. I hope that my children learn that in the church, we believe that love is a response to being loved (1 John 4:19) and that genuinely birthed love for Jesus should never be replaced with fear of being beaten or humiliated publicly as an example.
